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发表于 2024-8-18 12:24
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(ZT, 转)阿西莉:Life Is Beautiful
In the bleak and uncertain and the shaky too. I've been listening to this country song (unsurprising I know) this past month since that day I left my life that had just begun taking hold after months of building a foundation in my community in Morocco...and it's just stuck with me because it's how I've felt - messy (look it up if you want by chase rice). Starting from feeling like my heart was being torn from me taking that bus away from home at sunrise looking out the window with so much uncertainty, disbelief. I took a picture and immediately felt silly - I wasn't really leaving why take a picture of what I see every day.. and if I was leaving I'd be right back in no more than a couple weeks right?
Flitting between being seemingly totally fine to utterly broken in another moment. Feeling guilty because so many others have lost immeasurably more than me throughout the world over this virus - I can't get caught up in the little I've had happen.
Under it all though, I still feel the pain of the goodbyes I didn't get to say. The people I left behind. The suddenness of it all. Being reminded of how little I seemed to know just a month ago.
Trying to move forward but being caught in memories.
You know memories aren't curses that prevent us from moving on - they can be sweet reminders of the people places and pieces of life that have been used to change and shape and sculpt us into who we are becoming. Sometimes life doesn't check to see if we're ready though.
And it's been hard. And that's ok. There's no use pretending it hasn't. No reason to pretend I don't miss before. And if it's been hard for you, I'm here, I will listen.
Let's not be disappointed in other people right now, let's be understanding.
In a note underlying all of this - this year, 2020, since the beginning a theme for me has been realizing over and over how strikingly intentional God is. He doesn't have arw accidents. And I've been noticing that from a new lens yet again as the year has turned to spring. |
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